You Owe Me
by thecolfs
Summary: After agreeing to run an errand for a preoccupied Santana, Blaine finds himself in an embarrassing situation- and face to face with his high school crush, Kurt Hummel. Eventual Klaine.
1. Chapter 1

"I hope you know you owe me like three favors for this," Blaine sighed into his phone, rolling his eyes at the cackle he got in response. "I'm serious! Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for me?"

"Brit likes it when I go down on her, what can I say," he could practically hear Santana's smirk through the phone.

"I did _not_ need to hear that, oh my god," Blaine pinched the bridge of his nose.

"C'mon, Virgin Mary, just because you haven't done it doesn't mean you get to spoil it for the rest of us."

"Shut up, Santana," he groaned. "I'm hanging up on you."

"You love me!"

He tapped the end call button before taking a deep breath and finally getting out of his car; he'd been sitting in the parking lot of the sex clinic for over twenty minutes now. Once he'd parked, he'd lost the last bit of nerve he'd had and forced himself to call Santana to clarify everything he was supposed to do: go inside, find station number three, check in with the person at the desk, and tell them he's picking up a prescription for Santana Lopez.

The problem was that this was a sex clinic. And he wasn't even here for himself.

"You can do this," he told himself aloud as he approached the set of double doors. "She's paying you, you can do this."

He should've known not to look so lost and embarrassed when he walked inside; the look of sympathy he got from the woman at the front desk made him feel like like a little kid.

"Hi, welcome to the Lima Heights Health Center, how can I help you?" She asked him with a polite smile.

"Um, where can I find station three?" Blaine wondered, hoping his face wasn't as bright as it felt. Santana so owed him.

"Go left and turn down the second hall to your right, then follow the red arrows until you see the sign," she told him.

"Thank you," he ducked his head and hurried away.

_Red arrows, red arrows- there they are_, Blaine followed them around a corner until he found a generic "Station 03" sign hanging down from the ceiling. Steeling himself for another awkward conversation, he approached the desk.

"Hi, can I help you?"

Shit. Did the universe hate him or something? Blaine would recognize that voice anywhere: Kurt Hummel, his high school crush, the secret and one sided love of his young life.

"Uh- um, I'm here to, um, pick up a prescription for uh- Santana."

"Can I get a last name?" Kurt requested, seeming unaffected by Blaine's presence.

"Right, sorry," he kicked himself, "Lopez. Santana Lopez."

"Well, Ms. Lopez, I'm afraid I need to see some ID," Kurt winked. "It's frowned upon to let people pick up prescriptions for others unless they're family or have some form of consent from the patient."

"I can call her?"

"That works," Kurt smiled. Blaine scrambled to pull his phone out and dialed Santana's number with trembling fingers.

"What do you want now, Blanderson?" She answered.

"Uh, they want proof that I'm allowed to get the um, the- you know. The prescription for you," he told her.

"I haven't heard you this nervous since that time I persuaded you to get black-out drunk with me! I expect details later," she told him. "Alright, hand me over."

"Hi, Ms. Lopez?" Kurt paused. "Yes, I just need you to clarify that Mr. Anderson here has your consent to pick up your prescription for-" he hesitated and checked his computer screen- "dental dams."

Blaine blushed, half with pleasure at Kurt remembering his last name and half with embarrassment at the situation. This was hands down the most awkward conversation he'd ever had to be a part of.

"Alright. Thank you. Oh, yes- of course," Kurt handed the phone back to Blaine. "I'll be right back with her prescription."

"Yes?" Blaine asked as soon as Kurt was out of sight.

"Kurt _Hummel_ is working at a sex clinic?" Santana shrieked. "Oh my actual god, the baby gay has grown up so much."

"Santana-"

"No, really! Brit and I tried to give him the queer initiation speech when he finally came out but all he did was stick his fingers in his ears and hum the theme song for _Elmo's World_," she told him and Blaine resisted the urge to grin. The image sounded absolutely adorable.

_Focus_, he told himself.

"Queer initiation speech?" He wondered instead.

"You know, safe sex for gays," she sounded exasperated, as though this wasn't some ridiculous concept she'd come up with on her own. "Which, by the way, you need to hear too."

"I think I'm okay," Blaine told her. Kurt came back to the window and set the white paper bag on the counter.

"Signature," he mouthed, holding out a clipboard with a sheet of paper attached.

Blaine nodded and took it, tuning Santana's insistence that no, he was obviously not fine if he wasn't getting laid.

He signed his name and happened to catch the last bit of her speech, almost dropping his phone in the process of passing back the clipboard.

"-without it, no matter how desperately you want it in your ass, Blainers."

"San_tana_!" He choked out before hanging up. Kurt raised an eyebrow at him, but Blaine shook his head vigorously, knowing his face must be bright red with embarrassment but unwilling to explain it even a little.

"That's my cue to go, thank you!" Blaine ducked his head and hurried toward the end of the hall before stopping dead and his tracks and turning around. He quickly walked back to the counter and picked up the prescription, certainly more red than before. Kurt was hiding his laughter and Blaine dropped his eyes to the floor, though he was quietly pleased to have made him smile- even at his own expense.

"Have a nice day!" Kurt called after him as he all but sprinted down the hall toward the exit.


	2. Chapter 2

"Blaine, I swear to god if you don't go up there and actually talk to him I will replace all of your hair gel with lube so fast-"

"Calm down, San, no need to bring out the big guns yet," Blaine rolled his eyes at her.

"Big guns," Santana snorted. "Oh, honey."

"Anyway," he emphasized, "I was planning to go back up there soon. I've got some questions and I figured I should set up a consultation instead of asking my lesbian friends about safe sex between two guys. No offense, but your crude nature isn't exactly what I need when it comes to sex ed."

"Aw, my baby is growing up!" She wiped away a fake tear before pulling him into a bone crushing hug. "I'm so proud, you're gonna be such a stud, aw. I only request one thing-" Santana pushed him away, "no sex while Brits and I are home. Text me a warning that you're about to get your dick wet and we'll find some way to occupy our time for the 15 minutes it'll probably take."

"Oh my god."

Blaine disentangled himself from her iron grip and hurried out of the room to grab his keys and wallet

"Alright, 20 minutes tops," Santana called after him. "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."

"Good bye , Santana," Blaine told her pointedly before slamming the door shut behind him.

The drive up to the health center did nothing to soothe Blaine's nerves; he would never admit it to Santana, but the main reason he was going back was to see one Kurt Hummel, the apparent sexual health extraordinaire. All he wanted was to see Kurt again and get a few unanswered questions about- you know, sex off his chest.

You can't even think the word, you are so far from ready to do anything with anyone, Blaine thought to himself as he pulled into the parking lot. He all but jumped out of his car before he could psych himself out, locking his doors and hurrying toward the entrance. Luckily the woman from last time wasn't at the front desk to see him blushing again, but the man there this time shot him a vaguely amused look.

"Can I help you find something, sir?"

"Ah, no, thank you," Blaine answered before shooting him a polite grin and making his way down the hall toward station three. He hesitated before he got to the final corner- what if Kurt wasn't working today? Shit. He hadn't thought of that.

Well, you need to set up an appointment either way, he told himself. Now or never.

Blaine rounded the corner and let out a sigh of relief at the sight of the all too familiar chestnut colored quiff in the window. The area was conveniently empty, so he took a deep breath and approached the counter.

"Hi," he started, "I was wondering if there was any way I could see someone to answer some, uh, questions?"

"Could you be a little more specific?" Kurt smiled kindly.

"Some, um, some sex related questions?" He mended, cringing internally.

"We don't tend to have people on call for that kind of thing," Kurt told him, digging around through the papers on the counter behind the window before producing a business card and pulling out a pen.

"But here is my extension and personal number if it's ever urgent. Did you need something answered right away?"

"Oh, uh, sure," Blaine racked his brain to come up with a question that wouldn't be too crude. "Are condoms the only way to protect yourself or are they just the most effective?"

"For vaginal and anal sex- and even oral if you're looking at taking extra precautions," Kurt answered and handed him the card, "we definitely recommend condoms over any other method, specifically to protect yourself and your partner from getting any kind of disease."

"So there's no pill for men like there is for women?"

"Women have birth control and the morning after pill, also known as Plan B," Kurt told him. "But those are more for preventing pregnancy than they are for preventing sexually transmitted diseases."

"I see," Blaine paused to try to come up with another question. "What about condom sizing? Do you just, like, measure it and go from there?"

"Exactly!" Kurt enthused. "Your length and circumference are the only numbers you need. You can usually find sizing charts online to save yourself the hassle of skimming through the labels at whatever store you go to."

Blaine felt his face going hotter than before at the thought of Kurt condom shopping for himself and had to physically pinch himself to stop thinking about him measuring his own dick.

"Alright, um, that's all really," he stepped back and gestured to the card. "Thanks for this, I'll- I'll text you."

"I look forward to it," Kurt winked and Blaine stumbled a bit. "Bye, Blaine."

"Bye," Blaine spun on his heel and walked calmly around the corner before pausing to slump against the wall and regulate his breathing.

On the bright side, he'd gotten Kurt's number.


	3. Chapter 3

It took Blaine nearly a week to work up the nerve to text Kurt; he'd drafted several dozen messages but chickened out before he could press send.

Santana was getting irritated to say the least.

"Give me your phone," she demanded, reaching into his pocket when he find immediately comply.

"Whoa, no, what?"

"Give. Me. Your. _Phone,_" she repeated. "I'm tired of watching you type message after message without sending anything. Give me your phone."

"No! I can do this by myself," Blaine glared at her, offended that she seemed to think otherwise. "I was actually about to text him."

"Really."

"_Yes, _if you must know. I'm tired of this too," he told her. He dug around in his pocket for a moment before outline out his phone and scrolling through his contacts until he landed on Kurt's number. "What should I say?"

"Ask him how big his dick is," Santana waggled her eyebrows.

"No!" Blaine narrowed his eyes at her. "If you aren't going to take this seriously I'm not going to let you help me."

"Fine, fine. Do you have any genuine questions about sex?"

"Um," Blaine blushed dark, "yeah, but they're more- um, personal than they are generic."

"Ooh, look at you," Santana teased with with a grin. "Personal about Porcelain?"

"Shut up," his face felt hotter than ever. "So you want to help me or not?"

"Alright, Jesus," Santana led him to their couch and patted the cushion next to her. "Start with a simple 'hey, it's Blaine.'"

"Oh, sure, 'hey, it's the guy that basically harassed you at work the other day, I'm going to ask you invasive questions now,'" Blaine scoffed. "That's exactly how I want to start- whatever this is."

"Chill," Santana nudged him with her shoulder. "Stop overthinking this."

"...so just say hey?"

"_Yes,_ Blaine," she rolled her eyes. "Just say hey."

After hesitating for a moment, he re-unlocked his phone and opened up a blank text.

_Hey Kurt, this is Blaine._

He took took a deep breath and pressed send.

"Was that really so hard?" Santana rolled her eyes, smug that she had somehow managed to get Blaine to actually talk to the man he'd been swooning about for the past week.

"Yes," Blaine pouted. His expression slipped from playful to serious and Santana raised an eyebrow at him. "What if he doesn't respond?"

"He will," she told him. "He wouldn't have given you his number if he wasn't expecting you to use it."

Blaine stared at the phone, willing it to buzz.

"You're gonna break your phone if you keep glaring at it like that," Santana teased him, nudging his shoulder with her own. "C'mon, help me pick a shitty reality show to make fun of while you wait for Prince Charming to fall in love with you though text."

"I hate you," Blaine commented. "And you can choose whatever, I don't care."

"Aw, you're no fun."

He rolled his eyes just as his phone vibrated in his hand. He shot up out of his slumped position and Santana laughed at his enthusiasm.

The text was only one word:

_Hey!_

"Now what?" Blaine turned to her with an embarrassed kind of desperation in his eyes. "I can't just start asking questions, that might make him uncomfortable."

"Ask him if now is a good time to talk," Santana leaned over to watch him type.

_Do you have time to talk?_

Blaine pressed send before he could chicken out, half terrified that he was already overstepping. What if Kurt had been kidding when he'd given him his number? What if he got uncomfortable? Blaine had no idea what he would do if that ended up being the case.

Santana snapped her fingers in front of his face before he could work himself into a panic.

"Blaine, calm yourself," she told him with a bewildered expression. "Seriously, he isn't going to go running for the hills just because you're curious about things you should've been Googling years ago, Hummel is cooler than that."

"Right," he let out a breath he hadn't know he was holding and tried to shake away his remaining nerves. "I wouldn't like him so much if he was that kind of guy."

"I beg to differ," Santana snorted. "Remember your one sided fling with Jeremiah? That dude was a douche with a capital d. And what about your one date with that guy Eli? Didn't he flirt with the waiter the whole time? Your track record isn't as shiny and perfect as you think it is, babe."

"Don't remind me," Blaine groaned, covering his face to hide his shame. They had both been huge mistakes that had taken weeks to get over- and months to regain his pride.

"I'm just saying," she defended herself, "Kurt isn't like the other guys you've panted over, he'll at least have the decency to tell you if he isn't interested."

"How would you know?" he demanded somewhat petulantly.

"Did you forget that we all went to high school together?" she snickered at him, resting one arm over the back of the couch to keep her balance as she shifted her body to face Blaine completely.

"Oh yeah," he felt his face turning red and fiddled with his phone. He was so caught up in his embarrassment that he flinched when it buzzed with another text.

_Sure, what's up?_

Blaine weighed his options before deciding on an innocent enough conversation starter.

_I just have a few more questions, if that's okay._

"What did he say?" Santana asked eagerly, already reaching to snatch Blaine's phone out of his hand. Her eyes skimmed the screen for a moment before she passed it back to him.

"What are you going to ask him?

"...I haven't really thought about that yet," he admitted. "I was focused more on starting the conversation."

"Oh, Blaine," Santana sighed. "What kind of things do you want to know about sex?"

Blaine hesitated, knowing he should tread carefully for fear of the non-stop teasing that would definitely follow whatever he decided to confess.

"I mean," he began, "I know some stuff already, it's just- the internet isn't always reliable in these kinds of situations."

"Okay…" Santana looked at him quizzically and was about to ask what he meant when a buzzing sound attracted their attention back to Blaine's phone.

_Go for it._


	4. Chapter 4

Does it always hurt or is it just the first time?

_What specifically are you referring to?_

You're really going to make me say it?

_Of course ;P_

Does anal penetrative sex hurt every time it happens?

_If it's overly painful your partner isn't doing it right_

I don't have a partner

_I see._

I'd just like to be informed for if I do have one

_I can respect that. And to answer your question it shouldn't hurt if they prep you the right way_

Meaning?

_Fingers and plenty of lubricant._

That seems fairly simple

_It's easier if you've done it to yourself before_

Why, Kurt Hummel, are you speaking from experience?

_Yes._

oh

_...did I make you uncomfortable?_

No, no- I just wasn't expecting you to be so up front about it

_Well, this is strictly educational, right? Might as well be honest._

Thank you I guess

_Did you have any other questions?_

Yeah, yeah. What about clean up, what's the best way to go about that?

_Well, like I said before, condoms are a must. That usually helps a lot with internal clean up._

What about the lube?

_I'd recommend showering afterward and just using a soapy finger. Anal douching also helps, awkward as it is._

Wow. Okay.

_Anything else?_

Um, what about cleaning toys?

_Anti-bacterial soap should do the trick for dildos, but you should probably take the batteries out of a vibrator first._

Good to know. I think that's all for now, thank you.

_Glad to help. Let me know if there's anything else you want to know._

Will do!

_Talk to you later, Blaine_

bye

…

"Oh my god, is my face on fire?" Blaine all but threw his phone away. "I feel like my face is on fire."

"Well, I've definitely never seen you blush this much before," Santana told him, moving to grab at his face for a closer look. "I didn't know you could turn this red."

"Oh my god," he moaned, shoving her away and covering his face with both hands. "That was _awful_."

"Aw, you were fine."

"I'm so embarrassed, he probably hates me," Blaine continued. "God, what was I thinking?"

"I think you found an attractive guy who's willing to teach you things you're too proud to Google," she raised an eyebrow at him when he shot her a glare. "Hey, it's not my fault you don't know how to Incognito Browse."

"Thank you for bringing that up," he rolled his eyes. "Really, it's a great time to discuss it."

"If you insist! I still can't believe you're into-"

"Santana," Blaine interrupted loudly, feeling his face somehow grow even hotter. "Sarcasm."

"Chill, Blainers, I'm just teasing," she told him and put what was meant to be a comforting hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it away and stood from the couch, retrieving his phone from where it had landed and making his way toward his bedroom. "Off to go think of Porcelain in the shower?"

"Going to lock myself in my room and binge watch Parks and Recreation, actually," Blaine corrected her. "It's cleansing and I feel dirty."

"Wanky," she commented, cackling when Blaine's only response was slamming the door shut behind him.


End file.
